The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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