dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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