I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
