cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
