my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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