If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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