I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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