There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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