Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
