i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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