I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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