The maid of honor just puked.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
