Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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