I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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