so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
