im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
