If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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