She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
