In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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