Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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