I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Randomize
