Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
