Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
