thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
