found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
