i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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