there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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