I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
