at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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