You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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