somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
