This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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