She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
