i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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