Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Boobs speak an international language.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
