you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
