Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
