i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
