Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I am one with the molecules
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
