I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
