just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
