Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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