Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
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It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
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Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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