I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
