oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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