it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
