so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
