using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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