I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
