I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
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Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
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I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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