and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threesome in a minivan. New low
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize