I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
