i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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