I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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