I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
