this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
