i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
