Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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