I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
