We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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