i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
