Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
